Friday, August 19, 2011

The Term Slacker Doesnt Begin To Cover It....

I'm going to try to be serious for this post and get something out in the open here. I have commitment issues. Procrastination problems. Slacker tendencies so bad its pathetic. I'm sure friends reading this are nodding their heads in serious agreement (Shannon P.!!!). Its painfully obvious. Not so much with relationships - the new ***sparkler*** on my left hand is evidence of that - and I never have a problem with work or friend commitments...But everyday nonsense I just don't want to do, things I should really make more habitual, goals that I have for myself?....Can't motivate myself to save my damn life. Setting my clothes out the night before work so I'm not scrambling around the next day like Dennis Rodman prepping for a LGBT fashion show? That didn't last past the first day of the first grade. Going running every morning so I can get my ass into better shape? Suuuurrrrrre...if I'm not hungover, sleepy, tummy achy, crampy, cuddly, whiny, or thinking there might be the slightest inclination of rain. Learning more Spanish so I can maybe get a leg up at work and actually be able to converse with half the clients I speak with on a daily basis? That's a joke. I got far enough into my Rosetta Stone to order a tequila on ice and ask where the bathroom was before deciding that it was all I needed to know and that my time could be better spent watching zombie movies...(I want to be prepared). And oh yeah, continuing to write my blog at the very least twice a month so I can vent a bit and give my friends a good laugh? Well lets see here folks...I started writing in...September of last is now August of this year...and I have 4 notches on this bedpost. *Ridiculous*. And I could easily go on with the list of quickly fading fascinations. It's not that I don't find these activities important in my life. I would benefit greatly from actually doing what I commit to. Its making the time to DO them when I have a bazillion other more interesting or "important" things to do like pretending I have a mustache or googling every mundane question that pops into my head...that's where the problem lies...


First off, being more organized and prepared in terms of my clothing is just never going to happen. Sorry future hubby, but my clothes will ALWAYS be on the damn floor more than in the closet. You did get down on one knee for me so I'm gonna assume this isn't a deal breaker for you. Obviously me being a potty-mouthed lunatic sometimes isn't either ;)  Taking time out to learn another language when the four years I took of it in high school obviously didn't stick? Yeahhhh not enthused. Hard to convince myself why I should be wasting my time learning a little espanol all over again when I could be absorbing how to defend myself against a zombie apocalypse. Lets just say I have read the manual a time or two. Personally I plan on playing defense and tripping up any fatties around me when the time comes to make a run for survival...but that's just me. And getting a little cardio in before I start my day? I need to do it. I really do. I want to be able to chase my future kiddos around our yard...not be gasping for air because MOMMY had too many beers in her glory days and cant keep up with a 5 year old. In all honestly I blame my bed for my chubs. Its just unfairly comfortable. I can get in a good 8 hours of sleep on a linoleum floor if I want to...(by linoleum I mean bathroom and by good sleep I mean no-sleep-with-frequent-bursts-of-nausea)...but a heavenly pillow top mattress with fresh sheets and a gorgeous half naked man lying next to me is just more goodness than I can drag myself away from. Add that in with the fact that my neighbors have turned my morning jog in my shortie shorts into a *spectator sport*...I don't go to sleep until 2am due to my aforementioned current horror movie fixation...and the embarrassing fact that my fiance can easily lap me and hardly break a sweat when he goes jogging with me, despite the fact that he is a few years older than me...It's damn near a lost cause. I have however perfected a way to assimilate with the zombie nation WITHOUT running away from them, so I feel somewhat victorious in that respect.


Clearly I have also perfected the art of excuses. Me and 99% of our government. *Ba-Dum-Dum* Ahhhh crack myself up...But unlike them, I don't do it for money-grubbing, self-entitling, hateful-ass reasons. I just decided at a young age...(probably around the time I started dressing myself and realized trying on clothes is more fun than picking them up off the floor)...that life is too short for me to waste time doing things that don't make me happy. I'm a wanted woman. I have fiance...fur babies...a home...bills...bottles of wine...etc...all needing my time and attention. Unregrettably, time-consuming things that I need or want to do typically take a backseat. Like writing my blog. BOO. I know. Sucks balls to be a grown up and work and pay bills and shit. But I would honestly rather live like this than be like some people...that i won't name....that are my age, working part time at hollister, still living with momma, and getting shit-faced while dancing on bars every weekend. OK OK...that last bit is a lie. I would LOVE to get drunk as hell dancing on a bar like a tramp, but I'm a klutz. And klutz + alcohol = disaster/humiliation X 100000. That and the fact that despite my wild child ways and lack of a decent upbringing, I like to think that I do have some morals and class. And "WOOO CLASSY LADY!!" is not the first thing that pops out of my mouth when seeing women like that. Nor do I think my honey would have felt the urge to put a ring on it if his future wifey liked to play skank on the weekends. Can't turn a hoe into a housewife. True story. I have seen it put to the test...fails miserably/hilariously. But back to my point, I'm seriously seriously seriously going to work on getting a blog out every two weeks. Just need to motivate myself better. Maybe prioritize a bit. Ease off the wine & hooker-slashing-movie habit. If I start slacking again, rough me up a little. Give me ideas or rants or opinions on what to blog about. And plan to see some upcoming fun blogs. Things have changed a bit in recent months. Started a kickass new job. Began home renovations. Had a crazy fun summer. Traveled a little. Brainwashed my poor boyfriend into thinking I was stepford-wife-material. Plenty of new awesomeness to share and rants to get into...leave me some comments & let me know what you think. xoxo